Thursday, June 6, 2013

Days 152 - 157: Older & Wiser!

It's been a happening few days and I don't even know where to start writing from!

But I can say that these few days have made me feel a little more grown up, a little more apprehensive and yet a little more excited about life ahead and most importantly, made me appreciate life a lot more.

Yeah, all rather tall claims but when I say it's been happening, it's been that happening!

It all started with having a very close friend announce that she is pregnant. I was so super happy and excited for her that I started imagining our meetings in the future with our respective kids in tow. My imagination was so strong that it went from excitement to happiness to doubt to sadness. I was excited and happy at the thought of all the lovely days we would be spending together with our kids but also this visual of having children around almost all the time when we will be meeting in the future....that wasn't...well... very exciting, to say the least.

Whatever will happen to our hours of mindless grown up conversations over coffee or a glass of wine, as and when we please?! Right now, several times, I leave the little one with the helper at home, while I catch up with my friends, and things don't seem to have changed at all. But for how long?

Sure, I know we can always have just the adults meet up but this thought of revolving our lives around children was rather unsettling. It is such a far cry from our independant, relatively carefree lives till now and the more I thought about it, the more daunting it seemed.

The mind games didn't end there. As I was having all these thoughts in my head, a bunch of the hubby's friends from his hometown in India, came down to Singapore and we went to visit them. Only one friend was single and the rest came with their families and by families I mean spouses and a kid per couple. Yup, including the two of us and our little one, we were 11 adults and 5 babies!

Phew!

If you hadn't guessed it already, it was utter mayhem!

At any point in time, there was one baby refusing to eat, one baby refusing to sleep,  one baby wanting to play, one baby crying for no reason and one baby watching all the fun until it was his/her turn to contribute to the mayhem. And at any point in time, there was at least one parent who looked at his or her wit's end.

It was a mind boggling experience.

One part of me absolutely loved it, because it was my first time with so many young , first-time parents in the same room and it was lovely to see all of us being pretty much similar to each other with the same joys, same miseries and same approach to parenthood. On the other hand , it was ...well...scary! I could now experience first-hand, all that I had been conjuring up in my head and it indeed looks like we will be slaves to our children for a really long time.

That was a lot to take.

But then when I thought further about it, come on... we were all shaping these tiny beings who will take over the world tomorrow and that is a beautiful thought.  Sure it is hard as hell and yes, our lives have changed forever but a part of me kept saying that there was something really wonderful about this experience as well.

Just as I was beginning to make my peace with what my 30s and motherhood will be like, by deliberately shifting the focus to such more positive thoughts, the medical reports for a health screening I had, came out and it said I have borderline cholesterol.

Huh? Cholesterol?!

That, in my head, was something only much older people had.

But no, I have it.

The doctor says it could just be postpartum effect or maybe the consumption of prawns the day before or some other random reason like that but whatever it is, it made me realize it is not just my social life that's changing but it's the body too.

The story doesn't end there. Just as i was wondering how to tackle cholestrol, there I was sitting in a meeting, gently voicing out my precious opinions on the matter in discussion, when ...believe it or not... a part of my front tooth just chipped off.

Yup, just like that. Without me doing anything like biting onto an iron rod to make it happen. Freak show!

After blinking straight for about 10 minutes, during which I felt alarmingly overwhelmed about the thought of my whole body just falling apart, I excused myself from the meeting and rushed to the dentist to save my tooth.


30s clearly isn't 20s. 


The dentist, thankfully, was rather nonchalant. Instead of being horrified at the mystery of the falling-for-no-reason tooth, she simply told me that this was a fairly common problem. People apparently go to her with half of their tooth missing, like all the time. "Why, even I have two of my front teeth chipped off and filled back in", she said proudly. God bless her.

So I got the chipped tooth filled. And as I was relaxing on that dentist's chair, as much as anyone could possibly relax on a dentist's chair, getting my tooth filled, I reflected upon all that happened the last few days.

And there was just one message - really, time is so darn precious.

I am growing up and growing old and there is no denying that. The changing social life, the changing personal time, the changing body ... all of that is part of this beautiful thing that we call life.

Instead of worrying about what my life would be like or freaking out about health issues, I have to embrace everything exactly the way it is meant to be, while making an effort to make the most of every minute remaining.

Deep, I know. But that's what I feel. These past few days haven't been awesome in the usual sense, but they have definitely made me Older & Wiser.

Beautiful. 

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